Something Borrowed

Executive Producers
Julie Gardner
Russell T. Davies

Richard Stokes

Script Editor
Brian Minchin

Written by Phil Jones
Directed by Ashley Way
Incidental Music by Ben Foster

John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness), Eve Myles (Gwen Cooper), Burn Gorman (Owen Harper), Naoko Mori (Toshiko Sato), Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto Jones), Kai Owen (Rhys Williams), Nerys Hughes (Brenda), Sharon Morgan (Mary), William Thomas (Geraint), Robin Griffith (Barry), Colette Brown (Carrie), Danielle Henry (Megan ), Ceri Ann Gregory (Trina), Jonathan lweis Owen (Banana Boat), Morgan Hopkins (Mervyn), Valerie Murray (Registrar), Pethrow Gooden (Shop Assistant).

Gwen has a hen-party hangover from hell when she wakes up very pregnant. It looks to be the result of a bite from a shape-shifter, sustained the night before on a Torchwood op, and she faces walking up the aisle to some very puzzled looks. As everyone gathers for the ceremony, Jack is set to destroy Gwen's big day - unless one of the three mothers present finds a way to stop him.

Original Broadcast (UK)
Something Borrowed		 5th March, 2008			9h00pm - 9h50pm
  • None.
Something Borrowed

In the Hub, Jack holds Gwen’s hand and spots that she’s now wearing an engagement ring. She tells him that while he was away, Rhys asked her to marry him and she accepted. She says no one else would have her and she needs stability in her life, someone she can rely on. There’s an uncomfortable pause for a moment…

Several months later and it’s the night before Rhys and Gwen’s wedding. Gwen is late for her hen night at the nightclub and her friends Trina and Megan are already half drunk and becoming impatient. Gwen finally arrives and her friends screech in delight and start singing appropriate wedding songs. Gwen explains that she had a lot on at work - but in fact two hours earlier she was racing through the streets of Cardiff in pursuit of a dangerous creature that was known to eat people!

Gwen descends into the gents lavatory, her gun raised, ready for action. The place seems empty so she slowly moves past the cubicles, kicking each door open and checking inside before moving on to the next. At the far end, a cubicle opens and a man emerges. He sees Gwen with her gun and when he jumps in shock, she apologises. Suddenly the man‘s eyes turn bright red and his entire face transforms into a horrific monstrous visage. The creature charges towards her and she fires several shots at it. It turns and flees from the lavatory and Gwen races after it. She contacts the others back at the Hub and warns them they’re dealing with a shapeshifter. He could look like anyone now, but he’s leaving a trace of black blood which she begins following. Back on street level she sees an injured man with a completely different face look back at her before running off again. Convinced this is the same creature, she chases after him. She enters a small park area and looks around for any sign of where her prey might have gone. Without warning, the injured man appears from nowhere and tackles her to the ground. They struggle violently, but the creature has inhuman strength and its ferocious jaw get ever closer. Eventually it sinks its fangs into Gwen’s arm before she can push him away. Jack arrives and opens fire on the creature, killing it instantly. He checks that Gwen is alright and tells her Owen should take a look at the bite on her arm…

In the nightclub, Gwen and her friends are decided whether to eat or stick to the booze when a police offer arrives and goes to arrest Gwen. Then - to everyone’s delight - he whips off his clothes and begins his striptease act… Later, the group retires to the ladies to freshen up and Gwen realises what a bad idea this is as she’s getting married in just thirteen and a half hours! The girls laugh about Rhys and then they notice Gwen’s arm is bandaged up. She assures them it’s nothing and says it’s just a scratch…

The next morning, Gwen is woken by her alarm clock. It’s Saturday morning on the day of the wedding and Gwen is feeling totally wrecked from the night before. She sees her wedding dress hanging up and smiles with joy, but as she pulls back the bed sheets to get up, she realises straight away that something is terribly wrong. She looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified to discover she is heavily pregnant…

Later, Owen gives Gwen a quick examination in her flat and confirms that she is indeed pregnant and it’s almost full term. Gwen knows that’s not possible and asks Jack to tell her what’s going on. Jack reminds her about the alien that bit her last night and tells her some aliens are able to keep their bloodline going by exo-biological insemination. Owen promises her she’s going to be fine and says if there was any biological incompatibility she’d already be dead. According to his scan, she’s carrying a non-sentient alien egg, but they already have procedures in place for exactly this kind of situation. They plan to take her back to the Hub where Owen can run her through a bio-zenic microtron and after a couple of days off her feet she’ll be as right as rain. She reminds them that that in five hours she’s going to be walking down the aisle, but Jack and Owen tell her she’ll have to postpone the wedding. Gwen is furious and absolutely refuses to even consider the idea and says Rhys has put up with enough from her already and she can’t put him through this. Jack tells her she’s not thinking straight, but she accuses him of trying to bring her hormones into the argument. She’s convinced she’ll be OK until after the wedding and only after she’s formally become Mrs Williams can they do whatever they have to do.

Rhys is woken by the sound of his mobile phone ringing and he picks it off the floor where he dropped it the night before. When he realises it’s Gwen on the end, he crawls off the sofa and does his best to ignore his hangover. He tells her he’s with ‘Banana Boat‘, his best man, and pretends they’ve spent the morning phoning around to check that all the arrangements are running smoothly. Gwen tells her she needs to see him, but he says that’s bad luck before the wedding. Then he begins to suspect something must have happened. Rhys returns home, flustered and worried that Gwen is having second thoughts and is going to call the wedding off at the last minute. She assures him she’s not - then stands back to reveal her pregnant form in all its glory.

Jack and Owen return to the Hub and tell the others that Gwen is going ahead with the wedding. Jack says it should be fine as long as she doesn’t go into labour at the altar. Rhys might forgive her going down the aisle pregnant, but not giving birth to a razor-toothed monster that eats half his family. Owen says the pregnancy is quite advanced and they’re not familiar with this particular species, so Jack asks him to do an autopsy on the shapeshifting man they killed last night. He gives Tosh permission to join Gwen early so she can keep an eye on her before the wedding, then he tells Ianto that Gwen is going to need a bigger wedding dress. At the nearest bridal boutique, Ianto selects a suitable dress for Gwen and holds it up in the mirror for a quick examination. He tells the shop assistant he’s buying it for a friend, but the assistant tells him not to worry as they’re quite used to men buying wedding dresses for their “friends”.

Rhys paces up and down in front of Gwen, cursing “bastard Torchwood”. She agrees. He screams at her that she’s pregnant and he blames Jack personally as he knew she was getting married today and shouldn’t have sent her out last night. She reminds him it’s her job and assures him she’s going to be fine as they have a machine that can help her back at the Hub. Rhys calms down and says he’ll get Banana to start ringing around and tell everyone she’s ill with appendicitis or something, but Gwen looks at him determinedly and says there’s no way they’re postponing the wedding. Rhys tells her to forget the cost of the wedding - his priority is that she’s being properly looked after. She insists it’s not about the money and that the wedding matters to her because she’s set her heart on marrying him today, whatever happens. Even if the skies suddenly fill with spaceships or an army of Weevils climb out of the drains, all she wants to do today is marry him. She begins to cry and he hugs her.

In the Hub, Owen begins the autopsy on the dead shapeshifter. Before she leaves to join Gwen, Tosh drops by and Owen compliments her on her dress, adding that he has the authority to say that she looks ’drop dead gorgeous’. She asks him what he’ll be wearing, but he says weddings have never really appealed to him. She tries to tempt him, but he asks if she’s ever seen a dead man dance. He eventually agrees to come along, on condition that she doesn’t regard this as a formal date.

Gwen meets her parents and presents them with the shock news of her pregnancy. Her dad, Geraint, admits it’s been a while since they’ve seen her, but says they weren’t expecting this. Gwen says she and Rhys wanted it to be a surprise, but promises this isn’t why she hadn’t been to see them recently and she’s just been busy with her job. Even so, her mum Mary reminds her that Swansea isn’t that far away and she could at least have phoned. Mary breaks into a smile at the thought of the look on Rhys’s mum’s face when she finds out! They congratulate her and Geraint reveals that he can’t wait to see his first grandchild.

Later, Geraint and Mary arrive at the massive hotel in the country where the wedding is taking place and help Gwen out of the car. As Gwen signs in, Geraint whispers to his wife that he was with Rhys and his mates at the stag party last night and no one said anything about Gwen being pregnant. Mary thinks they were probably under orders not to say anything and is pleased that Gwen knows how to control her men. Just then, Rhys’s parents, Brenda and Barry, arrive. Geraint and Mary greet them and the two women exchange thinly veiled barbs about each other’s choice of dress. Barry asks about the bride, but when they turn to call Gwen over, she’s disappeared. Geraint decides this is a good opportunity for the two couples to have a chat and says there’s something they really need to talk about…

Gwen goes to room 36 where Rhys is getting ready and tells him this isn’t going to work after all. She admits she hadn’t thought it through properly and wonders what’s going to happen after the wedding. Rhys has been thinking the same thing - their parents now think they’re going to get a grandchild and they’ll be excited already and planning things. They’ll be devastated to learn that they’ve lost the baby. Rhys suggests telling them the truth, but Gwen wonders what the truth will do to them. They’ve seen what comes through the Rift and she doesn’t want her mum and dad worried about what’s prowling around in the sewers. Gwen’s phone rings and it’s Jack, checking up on how she’s doing. He tells her Tosh is on the way to offer moral support, but Gwen says she doesn’t need a baby-sitter. Rhys snatches the phone from her and tells Jack he’s not needed and he’s already done enough to mess things up. He tells Jack to do them both a favour and stay out of their business. Jack tries to offer his congratulations, but Rhys switches the phone off. Gwen tells Rhys that it’s not Jack’s fault and Rhys nods in agreement.

Downstairs, Gwen and Rhys’s friends start to arrive and admire the beautiful hotel. Trina and Megan make fun of their friend Mervyn and laugh at the thought that anyone might be stupid enough to marry him. Banana Boat joins them after changing into his best man’s suit and offers to help Mervyn unload his equipment for the disco later on - but then Banana’s attention is taken by Tosh who arrives in reception carrying a big box. He tries to chat her up, but she ignores him and suggests he got his nickname because he’s come up in spots and gone soft. He invites her for a drink later, but she decides to head straight for the bridal suite and tells him she‘s lactose intolerant and bananas make her vomit. Despondent, Banana joins Mervyn in the hotel bar and finds his friend already eyeing up an attractive young woman sitting nearby. Mervyn plucks up the courage to approach her and tells her he thinks she’s too beautiful to be from Rhys’s side of the family. She admits that she likes to put on a show…

Tosh arrives at Gwen’s room and presents her with the huge box containing a new wedding dress. Gwen opens it up and admits that it’s beautiful. Tosh thinks Gwen made the right decision not to postpone the wedding and says she’s very lucky. Gwen assures her it’ll happen to her one day too and there’s always Owen. Tosh laughs and says the phrase ’in sickness and in health’ sounds like a bad joke now. She tells Gwen she’ll be downstairs if she needs her.

In the Hub, Jack checks through the brochure of wedding dresses and tells Ianto he thinks he made the best choice. Ianto says he was able to estimate Gwen’s size from the Hub’s security laser scans and reveals that his dad was a master tailor who could size a man’s inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold. Jack compliments him on having the family eye and says he wouldn‘t mind testing it sometime. They’re interrupted by Owen with news of a problem - he takes them to the autopsy room and shows them an ugly sticky alien organ that he removed from the inside of the dead shapeshifter. Owen reveals it to be a proteus gland, which means the shapeshifter was a Nostrovite. Which means big trouble.

In the hotel bar, Mervyn is placing a rosette on the dress worn by the beautiful woman and telling her that a good looking woman shouldn’t be at a wedding without a flower. Unfortunately he pricks her with the pin and is mortified. As he tries to order her another drink to make up for it, the woman dabs away a pinprick of blood. She tells him to cancel the drink and suggests they go for a bite instead. Tosh watches as Melvyn and the woman leave, then she goes to the bar to get herself another drink. While there, she sees the napkin that the woman used to dab at her wound - and sees that the blood is black!

Gwen is relaxing on her bed in the hotel room when there’s a knock at the door. She opens it to reveal Trina and Megan - and her friends are shocked to see that the stories are true. Gwen is pregnant!

The mysterious beautiful woman takes Mervyn to one of the hotel rooms and immediately begins ripping his clothes off. In the corridor outside, Banana finds Tosh discreetly listening at all the doors. He asks if she was looking for his room, but when his chat up lines become too much for her, she grabs his arm and pushes him up against the wall, ordering him not to say anything to her. In the bedroom, Mervyn’s smile turns to a grimace of fear as the beautiful woman on top of him transforms into a hideous ugly creature. He screams and thrashes about on the bed as she moves in for the kill. Tosh hears the scream, so she releases Banana and draws her gun. They burst into the bedroom and see the beautiful woman sitting on the bed and applying lipstick. The bed itself is covered in blood and the half-eaten remains of Mervyn’s body are lying on the floor. Banana inadvertently distracts Tosh and the woman smashes her to the floor and lunges at him. She forces him up against the wall and tells him he’s lucky because she’s watching her figure…but perhaps she’ll keep him anyway for tea.

Jack tells Ianto that a Nostrovite is an intelligent and sneaky shape-changing carnivore with a taste for human flesh. They should have guessed earlier, but identification is always a problem with shapeshifters. Ianto can’t see the problem as the creature is dead, but Owen tells him Nostrovites mate for life. The male Nostrovite carries the fertilised egg in a sac in its mouth and passes it on to a host via a bite. Their version of child birth is when the mother tracks down the host and rips open their body to retrieve the baby. They realise the mother will be looking for Gwen right now, so they race off to rescue her…

In the hotel, the mysterious shapeshifting woman is coming down the stairs when Gwen emerges from the bar and starts to walk up. As they pass, Gwen gets a twinge of pain and doubles over, so the woman holds her and asks if she’s alright. She predicts that Gwen’s baby must be flexing its muscles and guesses there’s not long to go now. Gwen thanks her and continues upstairs, oblivious to who she’s just met.

Ianto pulls the car up to the Millennium Centre where Jack and Owen are waiting. Gwen isn’t responding to their calls and Jack is still worried about Owen joining them. He says the thing about Nostrovites is you think they’re a hundred feet away but before you can move, they’re already chewing on your liver. Owen says he doesn’t need his liver any more, but his friends need him. They need to get to Gwen before the Nostrovite does, but in case they don’t have time to get Gwen back to the Hub, he reveals that he’s packing the Singularity Scalpel. Ianto reminds him that the alien device kills people, but Owen says he saved Martha with it and he’s convinced that he’s got it sussed. Besides, with the Nostrovite around they really don’t have too many options. Ianto agrees and Jack comments that ever since Owen returned from the dead, Ianto has agreed with everything he’s said. Ianto says he was always brought up never to speak ill of the dead, even if they do still do most of the talking.

At the hotel, Trina and Megan still can’t believe they didn’t spot Gwen was pregnant at the hen party last night. Eventually they convince themselves it must have been a mixture of camouflage dressing and the fact that the two of them were completely drunk by the time Gwen joined them.

Gwen’s mother helps her change into her wedding dress and tells her she looks like an angel. Gwen looks at her pregnant reflection, then tells Mary she’s so sorry about the surprise. Mary tells her a baby is God’s blessing and thinks she’ll be a good wife and a wonderful mother, and she and her dad will always be there for her and their grandchild. Mary goes downstairs and once she’s alone, Gwen holds her tummy and starts to cry. Her father finds her and asks her what the problem is, and Gwen breaks down and says she can’t lie to them any more. She tells Geraint that the baby isn’t Rhys’s…

In the gardens outside, Rhys’s dad Barry tells Rhys there’s still no sign of his best man and Brenda is starting to think the wedding is turning into a nightmare. He asks his son outright whether he’s sure the baby is his, but Rhys insists that every atom of his body loves Gwen and has done since the first time he laid eyes on her. Barry remembers Rhys saying loved Cerys Morgan once, but Rhys reminds him he was twelve years old at the time! Unfortunately there’s still no sign of Banana Boat.

Tosh wakes up in the hotel room and tries to push Banana away, but he tells her it’s no good. Tosh looks down and sees that the two of them are completely encased in a black gooey cocoon which is attached to the bedposts by cobweb-like strands. Tosh struggles, but the cocoon is too strong. She asks Banana to move his hand, which he does - but she tells him she meant him to move it away! Banana realises that when the creature comes back it’s going to kill them, but Tosh tells him to calm down and says she has friends who will find them in time. Banana isn’t convinced and calls out for help at the top of his voice, but Tosh warns him the creature may hear him and decide to come and shut him up - permanently. He continues shouting, so Tosh manoeuvres her hand inside the cocoon and there’s a loud cracking noise, then Banana falls silent. Tosh warns him not to say anything more, unless he wants to start singing in falsetto.

Geraint tells Gwen that if she doesn’t want to go through with the wedding, then that’s alright and they can sort things out. She assures him that’s not what she meant and then she reveals the truth - Cardiff is in the middle of space-time Rift and she works for an organisation called Torchwood that hunts down aliens from other planets and dimensions. He’s understandably confused and she shows him the wound on her arm and tells him the baby is an alien. Later, a rather shell-shocked Geraint returns to his wife downstairs and tells her the wedding has obviously been too stressful for poor Gwen as she thinks the baby is an alien from outer space. Mary is horrified, but Geraint tells her everything will be alright once they get through the rest of the day. Rhys’s mother Brenda joins them and complains that Gwen seems to be taking her time and says she was never late for her wedding, but Mary says that’s just as well or else Barry might have got away. Geraint and Mary move off, leaving Brenda alone, staring daggers at them.

The moment has finally come and the congregation rise to their feet as Geraint escorts the bride up the aisle towards the altar where Rhys is waiting with the vicar and Barry, his substitute best man. Gwen and Geraint move gently down the carpet acknowledging their friends and family, unaware that the mysterious beautiful woman who attacked Tosh earlier is among them. The woman watches as Gwen passes and she can hear the heartbeat of her offspring inside the bride’s tummy. There are one or two gasps of surprise from people as they see Gwen’s condition for the first time, but Brenda can’t disguise her disgust and closes her eyes. Gwen stands beside Rhys and they hold hands. Then the congregation sits and the vicar begins the ceremony. For the alien woman, the vicar’s voice slowly fades away and is replaced by the overwhelming sound of the baby’s heartbeat becoming louder and louder…

The ceremony reaches the stage where the vicar asks if there’s anyone here who knows of any reason why the happy couple may not marry. The sound of the heartbeat becomes almost unbearable for the alien woman, but before she can act, the door to the chamber is kicked open. The entire congregation turns round in shock as Jack charges towards the altar and orders that the wedding be stopped. He tells Gwen he’s really sorry and Brenda is convinced that Jack must be the father of the baby. Rhys demands to know what Jack’s doing here and says he’s already screwed up enough things between him and Gwen and he’s not going to let him ruin their wedding. Jack says he’s trying to save both their lives.

Elsewhere in the hotel, Ianto and Owen are searching for Tosh. Ianto gets a signal from Tosh’s comms and they kick one of the doors open to reveal Tosh and Banana inside the black cocoon. On the floor they see the remains of Mervyn’s ripped open body.

During the break in the proceedings, several of the guests decide to go for a walk in the beautiful gardens outside. Trina and Megan wonder if this means the wedding is off. After all, if a good-looking guy sweeps down the aisle and tells everyone to hold off on the confetti, the signs aren’t good. They too conclude that the baby must be Jack’s. Not far away, the shapeshifting woman is watching the hotel from the grounds…

Jack takes Gwen and Rhys back to the bridal suite and tells them about the second Nostrovite shapeshifter. He says that although the aliens hunt in pairs, their childbirth is more of a three-way affair. The male finds and impregnates a host and the female later comes in like a midwife from hell, but until the time is right she will be hanging around, watching and waiting. That means she must be nearby, but she could be disguised as anyone and may even now be out there making small talk with their parents. Gwen tells Jack firmly that they won’t be stopping the wedding. He tries to convince her there isn’t a choice, but she points out that ever since she first met Jack, Rhys has had to put up with a lot of crap, lies, danger and complications - but he stood by her and no one else would do that. She crosses over to Jack and looks straight into his eyes and asks who else would marry her. She tells Jack she loves Rhys and she’s going to marry him today. Rhys reminds Gwen that it’s his wedding day too and asks if he’s entitled to a say. Before she can answer, they’re interrupted by a loud scream from outside.

One of Gwen’s friends has gone looking for Mervyn and has stumbled upon his disembowelled body in the bedroom, with the others standing over him. She from the room and Jack tells Ianto to go after her because he needs the situation contained. Gwen and Rhys join them and Rhys is horrified to see the dead body. Tosh tells them she’s seen the shapeshifter and describes the woman.

In the main wedding area, the congregation are getting restless. The alien woman returns to her seat as Brenda turns to Mary and demands to know what’s going on, but Mary is just as much in the dark. Brenda blames everything on that American man who seems to have no sense of timing or fashion, but then she also starts to blame Gwen. Before the argument can continue, the screaming girl races into the room and bellows to everyone to call the police as Mervyn’s been murdered. Ianto follows closely behind and discreetly calls Jack to warn him that the situation is unfortunately uncontained. Jack tells him to get to the SUV quickly and jam the phone lines as the last thing they need is someone calling the police. Jack tells Gwen that Owen needs to perform an operation on her right now. Rhys insists that he wants Gwen safe and Jack says that’s what he wants too, but if they try to run, the Nostrovite will be waiting for them and they’re running out of time. Gwen assures Rhys that Jack knows what he’s doing so Rhys agrees to do what he says, but insists on staying. Then Jack and Tosh go looking for the mysterious woman in black.

The guests in the wedding hall try to make phone calls but find they’re unable to get a signal. Jack and Tosh race into the hall and order everyone to stay calm and do exactly what Jack tells them. Barry demands to know who he is and he says he represents Torchwood, which surprises Geraint as it means everything Gwen told him was real. Tosh spots the alien women amongst the guests and Jack orders everyone to get down. They draw their weapons on the creature who instantly transforms into a hideous parody of the woman, but now with burning red eyes and ferocious jaws. Jack and Tosh open fire and as the congregation screams and drops to the floor, the alien races to the nearest window and smashes through the glass. The party guests watch in amazement as Jack and Tosh follow the creature and begin chasing her through the estate. Unfortunately the creature is fast and it’s not long before they lose her in the maze-like garden. They know the creature won’t leave without its baby so they head back to the hotel.

Owen takes out the Singularity Scalpel and Gwen reacts with horror when she realises he plans to use it to destroy the baby inside her. He assures her he’s done a lot of work on it since the incident with the Mayflies, but Gwen knows only too well what results he usually gets. There’s a knock at the door and Owen draws his gun, but it’s Brenda, Rhys’s mother. Rhys lets her in and she rambles nervously about a monster on the loose. She tells him the American man and the Japanese woman went after it, so Owen decides to go and help them. He tells the others to stay here and Brenda turns to look at Gwen…

Owen contacts Jack and asks if everything’s OK, but Jack tells him the creature got away. He asks about Gwen and Owen reassures him that Rhys and his mother are looking after her. But just then, Tosh sees Brenda outside the hotel engaged in a conversation with Gwen’s mother. They realise they’ve been tricked and Owen heads back to the room where he left Gwen and Rhys.

Gwen is telling a shocked Brenda that the baby she’s carrying isn’t her son’s. Before she can say anything, the door is kicked open and Jack, Owen, Tosh and Ianto burst in with their guns raised. Jack orders the ugly pregnant dog to get back and when Rhys protests, Jack tells him this isn’t her mother but the alien. Brenda insists that she isn’t an alien, but Jack doesn’t believe her. Gwen asks whether the shapeshifter copies smells as well as appearances and when Owen says it doesn’t, she says this is definitely the real Brenda as she’d recognise that bloody awful perfume anywhere! Jack lowers his gun and Rhys punches him straight in the face for calling his mother an ugly pregnant dog. Tosh realises that if it really is Rhys’s mum in front of them - then the alien shapeshifter must be outside talking to the other guests. The entire group race out of the room…

Outside, Jack and the others quickly find the other Brenda, who’s still talking to Mary. When Brenda sees them approaching with their guns, she instantly transforms into the hideous alien creature and grabs Mary by the throat. The group surround the monster and her hostage and there’s a moment of tension before Gwen arrives, still holding her bouquet of flowers, and calls to her mother. The alien acknowledges that the bond between mother and child is a wonderful thing and she agrees to release Mary in return for her baby. Jack refuses the deal, but Gwen slowly approaches the creature, assuring Mary that she’s going to be okay. As she gets closer, the monster can hear the heartbeat of her baby getting louder and louder. Then, just as the monster pushes Mary aside and leaps towards Gwen, Gwen drops the bouquet to reveal a gun. She fires bullet after bullet into the monster, which screams, turns and runs back into the hotel. The hotel guests, including the real Brenda, have seen everything and are frozen to the spot in horror. As Mary, Gwen and Geraint hug each other in support, Jack tells Owen to get Gwen prepared for the operation. The monster will be back, so he wants it dealt with now.

Owen helps Gwen back into the hotel, followed by Rhys. Owen settles her into her room, then tells Rhys he’s going to have to operate the Singularity Scalpel himself. Unfortunately Owen still has injuries to his hand which will never heal and it’s preventing him from using the device properly. He knows Rhys will be a lot happier if the person with Gwen’s life in his hands can rely on both hands and nervously Rhys agrees.

Gwen is alone in the bridal suite when Jack arrives to check on her. This certainly isn’t the wedding day she expected but Jack tells her there’d be no point in living if everything always turned out the way we expected. She says she never expected to meet anyone like Jack and he says she’s not the only one who met someone that knocked their world out of kilter. She tells him Rhys has always been there for her, through all this madness, even when she didn’t deserve it - and he isn’t afraid to tell her he loves her. She and Jack move in for a kiss - and then his hands transform into spindly alien claws. Gwen pulls away and sees he’s completely changed into the hideous alien - so she head butts him and attacks him with a nearby candelabrum. Hearing the commotion, Owen and Rhys burst in and Rhys immediately picks up a chair and smashes the creature over the back. While he helps Gwen escape from the room, Owen opens fire and pumps dozens of bullets into the creature. Eventually the creature falls back onto the bed, apparently dead. But as Owen tentatively approaches to examine it, the creature leaps back upright, grabs hold of Owen and prepares to bite him. There’s a momentary pause and Owen tells the creature to get on with it and do him a favour, but the creature sniffs the air and realises there’s something wrong with Owen. It pushes Owen aside and races from the room in pursuit of its baby.

Moments later, Jack returns to the bridal suite and sees Owen pointing a gun at him. They both raise their weapons and for a moment there’s a stand-off until Ianto and Tosh arrive and then Jack lowers his gun. He asks Owen what happened and Owen tells him the creature left him alone as it thought he’d “gone off”. He reveals that he emptied an entire clip into the thing and so did Gwen earlier, so something - perhaps it’s maternal instinct - is making it unstoppable. Jack suggests they’re gonna need a bigger gun! The group returns to the SUV outside the hotel and unpacks a series of crates from the back. Piece by piece they start putting it together until eventually they end up with a massive bazooka-like weapon…

Rhys helps Gwen flee through the gardens, but suddenly she doubles up in pain. He rushes to her aid and they continue as quickly as they can. They make their way to an empty barn and Rhys places some planks against the door to prevent it being opened from the outside. Gwen stumbles across and collapses on a bed of hay, screaming in pain. She tells Rhys she can’t go any further, but just then something starts banging ferociously on the door. They realise they only have moments left, so Rhys brings out the Singularity Scalpel and starts the operating procedure. Gwen is absolutely horrified, but Rhys assures her Owen has shown him how to use it. She screams in pain and with the creature still trying to break down the door, she pleads with Rhys to get on with it. He lines up the equipment, desperately trying to remember all the instructions, then he presses the activation button. Some pots on a shelf several feet away from them explode. Gwen screams at Rhys, who reconfigures the scanner and prepares for a second attempt. Before he presses the button again, they both say how much they really love each other…then Rhys completes the instructions and activates the device. Gwen goes into spasm, then falls back on the hay. She lies there motionless for a while, then Rhys leans over and kisses her. She feels her stomach and realises, with great relief, that the baby is no longer there.

Just then, the barn door bursts open and the half-alien/half-Brenda creature storms in and orders Rhys to get away from Gwen. As she approaches Gwen, Rhys looks around for a weapon and picks up a chainsaw. He pulls the cord to turn the saw on, then tells the creature it’s too late and the baby has already gone. He lifts the chainsaw and is about to decapitate the monster…when the saw suddenly stops working. Rhys is mortified and the creature is just about to move in for the attack when there’s a loud bang and the creature explodes before his eyes. Rhys and Gwen are splattered with thick black blood. When the smoke settles, they see Jack standing in the doorway with the still smoking bazooka. He smiles and says “How’s that for a shapeshift?” He congratulates Rhys and then lifts Gwen to her feet. He places Rhys’s hand in Gwen’s and tells them the hero always gets the girl. Gwen apologises to Rhys and says she’s spoiled everything, then asks if he still wants to marry her?

Later, the congregation return to the wedding hall and continue with the rest of the marriage ceremony. This time, Gwen’s friends from Torchwood are among those bearing witness. Gwen and Rhys exchange their vows and everything is perfect. Jack watches a little sadly as Gwen places the ring on Rhys’s finger and the happy couple kiss. Then he joins in the applause.

Banana begins popping the champagne corks at the evening reception while Ianto steps in as replacement DJ. Gwen and Rhys enjoy a romantic dance on the floor while the others watch, then Owen goes over to Tosh and asks if she’s ready to see his ‘dead man dance‘. They take to the floor, leaving Jack alone at his table, then Jack goes onto the dance floor and asks Rhys if he minds him cutting in. Rhys goes for a beer and Jack takes his place, dancing slowly with Gwen. He tells her to enjoy the honeymoon and she asks him what he plans to do while they’re gone. He says it’ll be the usual - pizza, Ianto and saving the world a couple of times - but although he’ll miss her, he thinks Rhys is a very lucky man and will be the perfect husband. He says Rhys is loyal, brave, has got a hell of a swing on him, and best of all he really loves Gwen. Then Ianto comes over and asks if they mind him cutting in. To no one’s surprise, Ianto takes Jack’s hands and they begin to dance romantically. But Jack’s attention keeps returning to Gwen who’s embracing Rhys.

Towards the end of the party Ianto joins the others at their table with a round of drinks. Rhys says it’s incredible that just a couple of hours ago, the entire congregation nearly got torn apart by some alien psycho-bitch. They turn to look at the main table where Geraint, Mary, Brenda and Barry are all fast asleep. Gwen thinks it’s all been a bit too much for them, but then she looks around and notices that everyone else in the hall is asleep too. When she realises their group is the only one still wide awake, she laughs. Jack smiles and says it’s strange what happens when you mix level six retcon with champagne. He’s retconned the entire wedding congregation, but Gwen thinks it’s probably for the best and she certainly doesn‘t want her mum remembering what happened here today. Jack pushes forward two glasses of champagne and suggests that perhaps the happy couple shouldn’t remember either. Gwen and Rhys decide to turn down the offer as they don’t want any secrets in this marriage. Owen thinks it’s time for bed, so Rhys says goodnight to everyone and says they’ll see each other again after the honeymoon. Gwen kisses each of the group in turn, then she and Rhys leave. The others look around and see dozens and dozens of sleeping family members. It’s been a busy day, but they still have a major mop-up situation to perform. Jack reminds them this is Gwen’s wedding and says he wants to see their best work.

By the time the group have finished, dawn is rising over Cardiff. Jack returns to the Hub alone and blows a handful of confetti over the threshold by the main door, then heads for his office. In a drawer, he removes a small box and checks the contents. A smile appears on his face as he flicks through a series of very old sepia photographs of himself in military uniform taken through the ages. Then at the end, there’s one final picture that makes him stop for a moment. It’s his own wedding photograph, showing himself and his wife, taken many, many years ago. Jack is lost in thought as the memories of his past life come flooding back…

Source: Lee Rogers
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